We just got back from vacation and I thought, wow, I should write a blog post about that. Then I realized I haven’t written a blog post in forever. For-ev-er. Well, what better time to start restart my blog after vacation AND on a Monday. As previously discussed, the ONLY day to start something is on a Monday. I mean, really, who says “Let’s start a new diet” or “I’m going to remodel the bathroom” on a Thursday?? No one. Well, there might be someone, but they need to get with the program. Starting new things should only happen on a Monday. (I might whip off a letter to suggest this to our local government.)
Now that vacation is over, I was going to download my 103 pictures and upload to Facebook because I know everyone is simply dying to see them. I mean, everyone is waiting with bated breath to see the pictures of Ryan on the beach and my witty little captions. How can I leave everyone waiting? It’s thoughtless, really. So I grab my camera to go up to my loft to start the tedious upload process (which I am willing to suffer through for my friends enjoyment) only to find that we have no internet access. Some little red x is where my little green circle is supposed to be. After a few minutes of clicking and getting no where fast, I place the call to the computer geek, aka, Michael. He seems to think I possess the ability to go downstairs to his lair of computer geekdom and figure it out while he’s telling me which cord to unplug, check this, look at that. What he doesn’t know is that I have set the phone down and keep saying “uh huh” and “nope” at various intervals while looking through the chest freezer, hoping to find some ice cream.
When I realize there is no ice cream (mental note to go to the grocery store) and pick the phone back up, he says he can fix it when he gets home. Of COURSE he can fix it when he gets home. Why else would I have bothered calling him about this in the first place?
Now, I can’t upload pictures, til later. So what to do?? Ryan is gone for the week (Yes, he gets a vacation with us and a vacation with his friend while I’m stuck in Ohio in the non stop rain and gloom. This is fair how??) so I don’t have him to drive around, or wait on him hand and foot as usual. Said geek is at work. It’s raining. So I decide the next best thing is to purge the DVR of 13 days worth of viewing. I have 2 episodes of Real Housewives of NJ, and 1 of Real Housewives of Orange County (which will be known in the future as RHoNJ and RHoOC, respectively, because it’s just too much to type out each time) and a whopping 9 episodes of General Hospital. I have watched GH since 1982. Even when I worked for the dreaded “Bank”, I still recorded GH daily. Beta, VHS and now the beautiful DVR. How did we ever live without it?
I decided to delete 7 of the episodes because A) it’s a soap opera, so it moves at an excruciatingly slow pace and B) everyone knows that nothing good happens on a soap except for Friday’s. The big weekend cliff hanger that leaves you hanging on the edge of your seat til Monday. Well, that’s the idea anyway. I flip through the pages of recorded shows and delete, delete, delete. But I keep seeing my RHoNJ and OC starting at me. I decide to start with RHoNJ first because honestly, Teresa is just crazy and it’s fun to watch the train wreck of her life. It helps me forget the train wreck of my life by not being able to upload my 103 vacation pictures.
When Michael gets home, I dare him to ask me what I’ve done all day. I had plans to pay the bills (online of course and I can’t very well do that with no internet access). I had plans to do a little Amazon shopping, buying my Chia seeds, my protein powders, my PB2, and maybe a new yoga outfit. Couldn’t do that either now, could I? And of course, say it with me, I couldn’t upload my 103 vacation pictures of Ryan on the beach with witty little comments for my friends to ooohh and aaahhh over because the stupid internet was down.
He should be grateful that I cleared out a good deal of the DVR. And Teresa is seriously a whack job.