After yesterdays post about utterly irresponsible behavior, I thought today should be a little lighter. Ya know, I don’t like heavy, icky stuff. Makes me queasy. I would rather it be light and happy. So luckily for me, I had written down in Evernote an idea that hit me Saturday morning during yoga. And it’s so fitting because I have yoga tonight!
I have mentioned before we end each session with Shavasana and it’s really a meditative pose. Laying down, completely relaxed, calming breath, calming mind. Except the calming mind part.
The past few weeks I have been really struggling with this. I find myself thinking about things, then I catch myself, try to clear my thoughts, concentrate on breathing, and I swear by the 2nd breath my mind is off and racing again!!! Ok, seriously can you develop ADD or OCD in your mid 40s????
And the problem is, I’m not thinking about anything earth shattering, or life altering. Just noise. Noise in my head. I can go from thinking about what we need at the grocery store to beating myself up for not holding a pose long enough in .328 seconds flat. It’s a gift really. I think about whether my heart is beating too fast, or too slow. I think about how I wish I could wear some of the super cute outfits my fellow classmates are wearing but nah, I could never pull it off. I think about FOOD! I mean, really, who does that?? Who goes from thinking how I’m too fat to wear the skimpy cute outfits to thinking about eating back to back??
To give myself some credit, I’m not usually thinking about devouring an entire chocolate cake. (Notice I said “usually” and “entire”. I said nothing about the possibility of licking the chocolate frosting off the whole thing!)
But mostly, I think. And for a few moments, during our final pose, I want to still my mind. Truly, truly, still myself without falling asleep and snoring during class. I’m going to work on it tonight. I’m going to purposely still myself. Focus. Concentrate. Breathe.
I’ll let you know how it goes. Or if chocolate crept into my thoughts.