Let’s Get Physical

Today was the day of the dreaded physical. I am NOT a fan. My doctors office actually called me to schedule this and let me know I was past due for just about every test known to the medical profession and I needed to come in. MIchael was due also and she would be happy to schedule us together. Then she reminded us that we could have nothing after midnight, and no deodorant for me for the mammogram.

So today was the day. No coffee when I get up at 5:30 is excruciating and cruel. I mean honestly. They need to develop a test that can be taken with coffee (including the requisite pink packets and a shot of creamer) without skewing the results. I mean, we can cure polio but we can’t develop a blood test to be taken after coffee?? WHERE ARE THE PRIORITIES PEOPLE?????

And no deodorant. What’s up with that? I feel bad for those nurses dealing with patients towards the end of the day. I mean….whew!!!!

So when we arrived on time and cranky and yawning, they actually put us in the same room. When she said she would schedule us together, I didn’t think she meant “together”. We sat there in the same room looking at each other, kinda shrugging our shoulders like, well, THIS is weird! Good thing is, my blood pressure is way better than his and so is my pulse. HA! Take THAT! Our blood oxygen was a tie, so even though I shouldn’t claim victory, I am. Since i won the other 2, it really goes without saying that it gives me the edge on the 3rd category, so I win all three. I spend a few seconds feeling like I should jump up and say “In your FACE buddy!” but I didn’t think the nurse would appreciate my misplaced sense of superiority. 

After the doc comes in and he gives me a little once over, listens to my heart, lungs, blah, blah, blah, he says, well, we need to see your weight come down a bit more. Flashes of a million things go through my mind, but I just stare at him. I want to say “No kidding!?”. I want to say “I know, but it’s COLD outside Doc, and you know with my thyroid PLUS the general strong dislike I have for winter weather, some things aren’t going to get done.” I want to say, “But I’ve been eating salad and not pizza! I’ve been eating organic and not as much processed!!” (I can’t claim NO processed because you don’t want to lie to your doctor!!) But I just sit there staring at him. I want to list off the exercise I am getting, my devotion to my yoga class, my weights, my running the stairs, my new exercise ball!!!! But I didn’t. I just sat and stared.

He throws me a bone to tell me he’s glad I lost so much weight in the past few years, and to keep it up!! Then he glances at me and says “Do you have a treadmill at home?” I shake my head no. We used to have one til it broke. “Well, a treadmill is a great investment and you and Michael can both use it on cold or rainy days. And this is a great time of year to find a deal on one.” I half expect him to pull a brochure for Dick’s Sporting Goods with the latest treadmill circled in pink highlighter for me.

I can just sit and stare. I think I sighed. I seem to remember hearing an audible sigh escaping my lips. I’m screaming in my head…”Tell him about your yoga class!! Tell him how hard you work and how much you sweat!! Tell him that you’ve gotten better, even if marginally so! Tell him you’re trying!” But I don’t. Cuz I know he’s right.

I have come a long way, but I need to do better. I can do better. And if anyone has a treadmill they’re using as a coatrack, I have a swap I’ll be happy to make with you.  

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