2013 is almost over. I couldn’t be happier. As some of you know who faithfully follow this blog, I like starting things on specific important dates. I would never start a diet or new exercise routine on a Thursday. C’mon now, that’s just silly talk! So the start of a new year (even though it does fall on a Wednesday! The HORROR!!!) will be on the right note. As weird as it sounds, I’ve never been one to declare a resolution on New Years Eve. When I have tried to do this waaaaay back in my 20s, I would fail before the first week was over. The goal to eat less, lose a specific amount of weight before the trip to Jekyll, keep the house cleaner, on and on and on. Yea, by January 6th, I’m on the couch with a bag of Cheetos, dust bunnies and dog hair in clumps on the floor and as I wipe my orange stained fingers on my sweatpants to pick up the remote, it occurs to me that I just completed doing the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. Self sabotage at it’s finest.
So this New Year’s Eve, I would like to reflect back on the year, and see what went right, what went wrong and what can I do that make this a better trend. Because let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger.
1. I’m so proud that I have had this blog for a year now. It has at times become therapeutic, other times a chore. It has been a source of relief, and it has caused me great anguish. It has grown to have many loyal follows, I get emails from around the world. I never thought that my little blog would be followed or noticed by anyone. I have made a friend from clear around the world, and we will probably never meet. She is a recovering alcoholic, has just published her first book, she reached out to me in hopes of helping me deal with living with an alcoholic. All through a blog. How amazing is that?
2. Speaking of alcoholics, in case it has hasn’t become abundantly clear…..I live with an alcoholic. He is. He always will be. If I have ever sugar coated it, gave the impression that he does not drink, or anything of the sort, I beg forgiveness. Perhaps that’s my own coping mechanism. Perhaps it’s my own denial. Co-dependancy. Enabler. Whatever little buzzword anyone would happily stick on my forehead, that’s fine. I know what I live with, I know what I struggle with, I know what alcoholism can do and will do to a marriage, to trust, to a family, and to any semblance of normalcy. If you also struggle with this, please know you are not alone. Contact me. I’m more than happy to listen, be a shoulder, whatever.
3. People who want to hurt you, will find a way to hurt you, no matter what. I have a crazy, stupid, often times too pollyanna-ish look at life. I try to start every morning with a positive thought, a prayer for my day, and the intent to help others as a way of also helping myself. I also blindly think that I surround myself with people who also want to bring out the best in others. I am so wrong. There are people who want nothing, NOTHING, but to infer the worst. People who want to hurt me for no earthly reason that I can fathom. I have not said, looked at, acted towards or even thought ill will towards these people who seem to want to cause me harm. I don’t get it. Maybe that’s a tough lesson learned though my year of blogging. Even though I have said it many times, this blog is not about YOU. It’s not about anyone you know unless I specifically say so. I will NEVER specifically say so unless I have your permission first. (Well, Ryan is the exception. He’s my child and a minor, plus, since Rob is out of school and out of my house, it’s pretty obvious…lol) All I can ask, I beg, I plead, is if a topic is hitting too close to home, just ASK ME to talk with you. I pretty damned accessible. And I can almost guarantee…..it’s not about YOU!
(Wow, I used a lot of capital letters in that section. Sorry. Hope I made my point though.)
4. I have been able to reconnect with old friends through this tiny little blog of mine. It’s a great feeling to not only make new friends, but to reacquaint with old. Cheers to you all.
5. Friendships come, friendships go. Old saying. It’s an old saying because it’s true. I have some friends who I have known for years!! Decades!!!! I could call them at 2am, tell them I need them and they would be by my side in a flash. No questions asked. I have friends who I have known for a short period of time who would do the same. I like to think I am that friend to those who know me. If you don’t know me well enough to call in a time of crisis, let’s fix that this year. Call me. Contact me. Let’s go to lunch and reconnect, or connect for the first real time (not just over the internet). Let’s find out why we have so many people in common. Let’s find out and celebrate the threads that can hold us together instead of constantly looking for the snag that will tear people apart. I would like that.
6. This is kind of like #5, but different. (The same, but different. Inside joke. Sorry) I am sooooo thankful that I have such a diverse, colorful, extravagant world of friends. I have had some very enlightening conversations in person, on the phone, over facebook, in email with people who have a completely different outlook than I do. They see the world so variated from my view, but most of the time, we can find that common ground. I like to think it makes me grow as a person to truly listen to other perspectives. I think that’s what can bring us together. You might not agree. You might change your mind. But when each side listens instead of thinking of you’re going to say next, it helps promote true learning and growth. Respecting others point of view is a two way street.
7. I love yoga. Me. Miss Unbendy. Yep. I love it. I can’t do it well. I will never have the body of Giselle. (Michael will never look like Tom Brady, so I’m not worried about it.) But I love all aspects of my yoga class. I love that it makes me feel centered for an hour. That I can push myself a little bit more than I thought I could. Here’s the thing about my yoga. I’ll try to explain so anyone can understand, but I don’t know if I can: A successful yoga class for me is when I hold a pose slightly better than last time. I mean s-l-i-g-h-t-l-y. Sometimes, I will feel this “pop” in my back and I know I just bent a millimeter further than I did last time. Not perceivable to anyone but me. But I know. I love my class, and I’ve said it before, but they never judge me. I’ve been in exercise classes where you get sized up the second you walk through the door. You can see it on their face. Not cool judgemental people!! Not everyone is a perfect Size 6. AND, did you ever think that the obese lady who just walked in the door mustered all her courage to walk through that door in the first place? She’s there because she wants to make a positive change in her life. Whether it’s the gym, the yoga studio, or the walking trial, at least she’s out there trying.
In light of all of this, I’m making a pledge to blog more, eat less. Go to yoga. Ask for help from my friends when I need it. Be a friend to someone who needs it. I want to cut the negativity out of my life. If you can’t be a friend, how about you just don’t hurt me. 2014 is MY year. 2014 is going to be about what makes me happy. And I’m going to rock the hell out of it!