Fallen Off the Wagon….again

I know no one is shocked. I’m not shocked myself even though I wish I could say I was. But, I’ve fallen off the proverbial wagon for my blog. ::insert sad face here::

It’s one of those cases where life literally stopped me in my tracks, sidelined me, when I was doing well. So I’m here to pick myself up, dust myself off and start writing again. Life can sometimes suck the joy out of good intentions and make you not see clearly or be able to focus. So I’m refocusing. ::insert happy face here::

I’ve had a couple of friends lose their parent, more are sick, I had a great night out where waaaaay too much wine was consumed, I’ve been going to yoga, not sleeping well as usual (last night I logged a whopping 4 hours 3 minutes), it’s been brutally cold with even colder air plus snow heading our way, my birthday last week (see previous blog for the horrendous turn of events that was!) and that’s just been within the past 10 days or so. I’m not very happy.

I don’t mean depressed, in a clinical sense, I just mean that sometimes, despite our best intentions and normally sunny outlook, life can sometimes just slap you in the face, punch you in the gut and shake you like a snowglobe until you beg for mercy. That’s kind of how I felt. Not one “major” thing happened specifically to me (if you can overlook my texting mishap), just a series of things that take the air from your lungs and you feel like you need a break. And then, before you can completely take a new breath, the next thing happens. Watching friends mourn their parents is difficult. It brings that overwhelming feeling of mortality to the forefront, no matter how much we all try to ignore it as much as possible. 

My one saving grace was going out and enjoying time over a few (eh hem) glasses of wine, laughing, talking, sharing knowing no matter what was said, we had each others back. There is true POWER in that. Minus any headache that may arise the next morning, it was much needed for each of us and I’m so overwhelmingly thankful for it.

I have friends still going through rough times. I’m too much of a “feeler” and a “fixer” (Did you ever have to take those personality tests? Yea, I know it’s crazy to know I’m an ENFP. Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving) and sometimes in my rush to talk things out, fix it, look at the bright side, I can run over the person I’m trying to help. Good intentions, bad results. So I’m trying to step back. I can’t fix everyone. Not everyone to be fixed. Some are perfectly happy to wallow. Some know the problem but refuse the help or to think for themselves. Easier to go along status quo and hope on a wing and a prayer that everything will work out. You know the ole saying you can lead a horse to water……

So now it’s time to turn the page, literally, and put that behind us and move forward. I’m going to put my best foot forward, help when I can, step back when I should, encourage always. Sounds like a pretty good motto for starting the rest of the year. Now if I can just stick to it. 

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