Have you ever just woke up one morning and realized that you felt as if you not only ran 3 marathons but that most of the scenery you ran past was nothing but a blur? Feeling wiped out and not sure what has happened? I mean, you know what has happened but it’s all a bit fuzzy and unclear. Maybe this is what it feels like to wake up from a week long bender.
I woke up this morning and my dog, who was very extremely ill and almost didn’t make it, is feeling better and waging his tails and his eyes are clearer. I woke up this morning and Ryan was talking to me about going to work tomorrow and could I please wash his work shirt. I woke up this morning and had not one ache or pain. I woke up this morning.
I am that perpetually positive girl. The Pollyanna. The glass half full. The breathe in positive and exhale negative. The surround yourself with positive happy influences so positive happy ripples will affect everyone, one smile at a time. The sunshiny, flip flop wearing look at the bright side of life kinda girl.
In the past 2 weeks, I think someone was trying to steal my sunshine and I am getting my mojo back. Today. Right now. No horrible neighbors spying on me will get me down. No realizing that as hard as I try I can’t stop Ryan from growing up is going to get me down. I will make myself see the positive hopefulness of the present moment.
I think it is very easy to fall into a trap set by the force trying to steal your peace and calm and then be swallowed up by it and not even try to get out. If that happens, I am not living the life I was meant to live and am capable of living. And I can’t allow that trap to catch me. It’s too easy to wallow in self pity and despair and thinking of “No one, NO ONE has it as bad as I do right now. What I am going through is the worse thing ever and I would rather close my eyes and not try to make it better for myself.” And guess what happens? I don’t make it better for myself. And if I don’t do it for me, who is?
There just seems to be blow after blow after blow after blow. But I get back up.
Japanese proverb saying when you fall down seven times, get back up eight. (At least that’s what I was told that says. I don’t speak or read Japanese. That could say “When pigs fly” for all I know. I have to take their word for it)
I truly believe that there is a dark force that hates it when people are happy and that force will try to crush the spirit of that person. Knock after knock after knock. You have to be stronger in your beliefs than it is. You have to fight every day to push the negative force out of your head and be able to live a positive life. And just when you turn your back for a split second, it gives the chance for a seed to be dropped. Or more than one seed. Sometimes, it’s a flipping acre of seeds, all trying to crush you. And it’s sooooo easy to let it. Pull the covers up. Turn on the TV. Eat that container of ice cream or drink that drink you know you shouldn’t. And that dark force loves that and laughs. Can you picture it? It’s laughing at you. At me.
So I’m going to squash it and not allow it to keep dropping seeds around me. And if a seed or two or 50 are dropped, I’m going to handle it. Because even though my Pollyanna attitude can’t keep the seeds from being dropped, the way I look at them can change everything. And I can do that for me.