I have contemplated this blog post for several weeks. I haven’t found the right angle, the right words in my head, so I’m just going to type it out. My “train of thought process” writing that I do. I don’t want to be cliche or repetitive. But sometimes, the cliche is because it’s true.
We are all guilty of making judgments on everyone, every day, in a split second. We all see someone, something, a place, and we make a snap judgement. And most of the time, we’re wrong. Can you admit when you’re wrong?
Let’s use some examples.
The kid who studies every night, turns down rare social invitations, and doesn’t have a lot of friends. He gets judged by his classmates without one person taking the time to get to know him. He might be abused at home and he thinks going to college far, far away is his only escape.
The fit, trim gorgeous woman running on the treadmill next to you at the gym. Easy to take one look and be envious of her. Judging her on her looks. Only a few people know what’s really going on inside is she just found out she has breast cancer despite all she has done to take care of herself.
The young man, walking down the street with a dog. Seems like something you see every day. You think nothing of it as you smile at him walking by. Except he doesn’t smile back. He’s staring straight ahead. He starts yelling at no one in particular. Snap judgement that this guy is crazy/drunk/weird. Everyone has left him because of his PTSD from the war.
The examples can go on and on. There are millions of different scenarios of how and why we do that. I think it’s human nature. But how simply amazing would it be, if we took the time to really get to know one another. If we, despite our flaws, got to know the person inside. And realize we’re all not that different from each other.
There was a young man in our small town that committed suicide a few nights ago. I didn’t know him, and I’m not trying to point him out but to use the scenario because it happens every day. From what I have heard in the past 36 hours is he was funny, loved to smile, loved to joke around, had a great heart and looked out for others. And yet. There was something underneath that smile that was crying out. It’s no ones fault and it’s not something anyone can put on their shoulders.
What happened was what made me realize I needed to write this blog, even though it has turned out much different than I thought it would 2 weeks ago when I first decided to write about judgement. I was coming from a much more personal space. How my scars are viewed. How my legs are and now forever will be marred and weaker. How people can look at me in shorts and ONLY see the scars. How they make a judgement when they see the long scar on my arm. Or my back. Or my shoulder. It is so rare for anyone to care to find out WHY.
Am I weird that way? Maybe I am. I mean, I would never go up to a stranger and ask why he has a scar. Or why she is blind. Or why are you an amputee? Or any of the things people make snap judgments on. But for someone you are actually getting to know, friendships forming, wouldn’t you ask? That is part of the person. How do you get to know, really know, someone without knowing them on the inside.
People make up their minds about other people without even MEETING that person or getting to know them yourself. Have you ever done that? A friend doesn’t like that person, or had a falling out with someone, and well, now **I’M** not going to like them either!! Hmmmph!! What if you had tons in common with that person? What if you could learn from them, or they from you, but you never found out because of the judgement you had based off of another persons opinion? Would you ever take the time to meet with someone and see for yourself? Are you so full of friends and acquaintances that one more person in your life is too much? Really?
I just wish that we as a whole would stop being so judgement driven, and be more open. More understanding. More.