Yes, the title was done in my super duper whiny voice. This is my blog, I can whine if I want to. And I also realize this could apply to many different subjects (and yea, you, yes you, get your mind out of the gutter, would ya??)
I’m talking about getting fit for someone who has spent, eh hum, 40+ years not getting fit. My body does not like to cooperate with my intentions. I have been doing yoga for 2 months now. Yea, still not flexible. It’s frustrating and can be discouraging. Until I look at where I was 2 months ago. 2 months ago, I struggled in most positions. And now, well, I struggle in a few. And there is still a few I can’t even begin to attempt to TRY, let alone actually do it. It can be humiliating and spirit breaking to see everyone else in class doing something and knowing if you move an inch from where you are, you’re going to fall. For those of you who know yoga poses, here is a prime example: Our class goes into “pigeon”, which honestly I love. It’s a great stretch and one of the few that I struggle with. However, from there, everyone brings the back leg up and holds it. Everyone. Everyone but me. Let me tell you, my back leg would no sooner move even an inch off the ground as I could buy a private island. So I just stay in my little pigeon pose and hang out there til everyone is done. I try not to make eye contact to see pity in faces of the rest of the class.
I have at least been able to do some other poses and hold them longer and better. Balance poses don’t seem as hard. Going into a simple chaturanga isn’t challenging because I feel my triceps are stronger. But really, after 2 months, I think I should be much further along. After my amazing summer last year and feeling like I made progress, the winter has also kicked my butt. I wasn’t running, I stayed inside because, as any loyal blog follower knows, I hate the cold. A few of my unwanted pounds crept back. And staring at myself in the yoga mirror while doing some of these poses is downright frightening. Yikes! Who IS that person??
So, I started running this month again, which of course feels like starting all over again. The goal is one mile a day. I’m on the 9th day and have 16 miles under my belt. Not shabby. 2 months of yoga. Hey, at least I’m sticking with it. But why oh why oh why are those gained pounds not just dropping off?? I had expectations that I would lose as much this summer as I did last summer, then go into maintain mode. But now I have to re-lose those few pounds as well as the original number. (Insert my very sad, pouty, whiny face right here) And it just doesn’t seem to be doing any good. 9 days in to April, 16 miles. Shouldn’t I be seeing progress enough to keep me motivated? I think yes. My body seems to think otherwise.
I, however, am not a quitter. Sometimes to my detriment, I don’t give up easily. I hold onto friends longer than I should. I hold on to husbands longer than I should. I am a creature of habit, rules and infinite belief that it will get better. So I will believe this too will get better. My body needs to shift back into that machine I built last summer. Even though my brain is there, my body wants to hold out a little longer. And with the help of motivating friends and family, I will keep it up and hope to see results before the end of the month. Some spark of change. Because until they invent some miracle product, it’s just hard work and non stop staying on your game. I just wish hard work wasn’t so hard!!